In Search of a Sunflower

‘Goodnight Julia’ -The Seatbelts, Cowboy Bebop

you were the only person i’ve ever met
that truly made me feel alive.
i wasn’t dreaming anymore.
it was as if every prayer i ever made
was answered.
we all have to carry that weight,
you know?
and i think i’m going to be carrying the weight
of you and the brief moments of time i had with you
for a long,
long time.
there is no sleep for me
just sleepwalking;
in the hopes that maybe,
i am led back into your loving arms.
and maybe then,
i can stay.


Final Call

‘Hidden Away’ -Chris Remo Firewatch

as i write this, i am sitting out on my porch
lights strung up high, stars sparkling bright
and bundled in blanket and coat.

a cup of hot chocolate
sits steaming on the garden table next to me
as a cold eastern wind rustles my hair
and the leaves
in the oaks.

you came to me like a thief in the night
but how could you steal
what i so willingly gave away?

staring up at the night sky
and seeing the moon in gibbous
saddens me. i wonder
if you will still think of me.
my writing is drenched
with the honey in your eyes
and the sweet sunflowers
of your hair.

i dream of you, you know that?
every night since you left,
in some way or another,
i find you there. and it breaks my heart
to hold you tight in my dreams
and to wake to a cold, lonely bed.

there is no escaping pain,
of this i’ve learned a great deal.
you were one weight i never wanted to carry
and now, well,
now i sit here, in my rocking chair,
praying for the impossible;
a miracle, even.

as the moon moves past the trees
and into the horizon
i allow silent tears
to fall onto this page.
i cannot think of a story more tragic
than one where the chapter we so desperately wanted to write
must exist as unopened pages
in the silent libraries
of our hearts.


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