No covenant on this Earth
made in the name of God
requires you to suffer abuse
at the hands of another
in order to preserve
nor should you wish to serve
a god that would rather you suffer
and preserve a commitment
than leave that which makes you sick
and heal in God’s grace.
Where there is control,
there is no love.
I saw her again.
God knows I didn’t deserve that chance, but I did.
Her voice always had this way of making me fall silent and listen,
and I found myself hanging onto every word she spoke.
She has this laugh, my God, if you could only hear it.
It’s like hearing waves lap on the shores of a beach,
with the delightful tinkling of wind chimes on a breezy summer day.
Just hearing it dissolved the worries of my world, if only for a moment.
Her hair. She’d always claim how messy it was, or how she just left it as it was, but that’s when it was the most mesmerizing. It was as if you were watching the embodiment of Earth as it waltzed around her shoulders. Seeing it that day reminded me how much I loved seeing it dance.
You could spend an eternity looking at the stars, searching for proof of a higher being, but you would never have to look further than into her big, brown eyes. She always hated their color, but my God, when she would look up at me with her eyebrows arched, I felt as if my soul was being weighed, and there was nothing that could save me from them.
We hugged goodbye before we parted, and it was then that I realized how much I had forgotten how it felt. We spend our whole lives looking for that missing piece, and some of us truly never find it. When her and I embraced, the universe exploded, creating brilliant and spiraling galaxies, wondrous nebulas, and not even the Northern Lights could ever truly capture the wonderment of that feeling. The feeling that my whole world was lying inside my arms, unsure of whether to hold on longer, or to let go. Could you feel I wanted to stay? To stay, in that moment, for lifetimes, and then some? Because I did, darling. God help me, I did. You and all of your cracks and imperfections you see about yourself are safe with me. All of the things that separate you from the gods are the very things that I’ll always fall for the hardest.
You know, it’s kinda funny. I never imagined that in the infinite reaches of the cosmos, amongst the voids between the celestials, living between trillions of galaxies and stars, that my universe would have freckles. But then again, like always,
I somehow knew that it would.
Are you afraid of God?
I am afraid.
Of a lot of things, truthfully.
But of all the things that keep me up late at night,
none hold as much power over me
as do you.
Do not mistake me,
I do not find you scary,
though the way your eyes can bring me to my knees
I would describe as much.
I do not find you chilling,
though the way my heart would freeze
when you would call my name,
would be fitting.
What roots me in sheer terror
is the uncertainty in you.
I am afraid that the 2 a.m. phone calls
made in tears,
do not carry the weight for you,
as they do for me.
I am afraid that reading the last few chapters
of your book to me didn’t completely envelope your heart in love,
as it did mine.
I am afraid that all of these words I write in honesty and pure intent,
that you read deep in the night,
mean nothing to you, and that they fall on a cold heart.
I’m afraid that you truly have no intentions of making time
to see me, plan as we might,
and that the thought of a future without me doesn’t just break your heart
like it does mine.
I am afraid that I am just a footnote to you,
while you are the entire story to me.
So no, I do not fear God,
nor any man,
nor any kind of beast,
I am afraid of you.