i do not know which potential
hurts me more;
that you meant none of what you said
or that you did,
but did not think me worthy
of it.


Chill, Fever

love is patient
and kind;
this is true.
it does not envy
nor boast;
also true.
but love is also
of your faults.
of your dreams.
of the person you want to be.
if you ever have to hide
the person you are
or the things that bring you happiness
for the sake of someone else;
that is not love.
the right person
will never have you walking on eggshells
around them.
the right person
will be right there,
loving you in the midst of your mess
because you love them in the midst
of theirs.

you should never have to hide
the person you are
to be loveable
to someone else.

you are worthy of love
that does not need
to be fettered by the chains
of fear
of guilt
of shame.


Wrath of Oni

i wonder if he knows.
does he?
about us?
does he know
of the connection we had,
of the dreams we shared?
he can’t,
because you’re afraid.
afraid of how he would hurt you
if he knew.
afraid he would leave you.
a word of caution,
anything done from fear
or guilt
or shame
is not love.
never was,
and never will be.
unless you live and love
in the light
it will haunt you
until it makes itself known.
whether you want it to
or not.



“Cornfield Chase” Interstellar, Hans Zimmer

i will be your ghost.
a specter
of simpler times,
a jinn of the joyful memories
we shared.
i know you will not come back
to these grounds
if you do,
i hope you remember with tender fondness
our talks of a home with a red door,
of walking down the beaches of Mexico,
of seeing the Northern Lights,
of walks in the park,
of dancing in the dark,
of my hands wanting to run
through your hair,
of cooking at midnight,
of holding you close,
of driving to look at Christmas lights,
of studying the Bible together,
of listening to you sing church songs,
of ten minute breaks,
of love-me, love-me nots at the library,
of leftovers and IM’s,
of butterflies and hummingbirds,
of talking for hours on end,
of sunflower kitchen sets,
of raising him,
of teaching him video games
and how to fish and love the trees,
of blue apples,
of healing together,
and of you
and me.

this is my final message
to you.

i love you



it was the simplest things
about you
that drove me to love you.
that it is how i know
it was real.


You, Simply

you told me once
that you wondered
what it would be like
to be loved by me.
i hope the days i spent with you
were any indication
of how wonderful it would be
to do just that.

imagine a night
that we spend out on the porch;
lights hanging
and sparkling in our eyes.
by me,
for you,
and we enjoy a nice rosé
while some Chris Stapleton song
plays softly against a backdrop
of stars,
only outshined
by you.
I take you in my arms,
holding you close,
as we dance that slow,
and laugh that kind of laugh
when we both know what we are thinking.
I drown in the coffee of your eyes
and maybe,
you see the sky in mine.
And we just dance
and dance
and dance.


Songs for a Sunflower

Time in a Bottle -Jim Croce

Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground –Willie Nelson

Wild Woman –Bruno Lewis

Tennessee Whiskey –Chris Stapleton

Millionaire -Chris Stapleton

I Don’t Dance –Lee Brice

Broken Halos -Chris Stapleton

Afterglow –Ed Sheeran

Perfect –Ed Sheeran

Perfect Storm -Brad Paisley
I2I -Tevin Campbell

I know you probably don’t come here anymore
I wanted to put some songs here
for you
in case you ever forget
just how deeply,
and truly
you are loved.
Keep seeking light,
little sunflower,
for it is surely seeking you,



i wish you knew
how completely
and utterly foolish
i feel
for hoping that today
is the day
i hear from you.
hopelessly foolish,
hopelessly hoping
for you.


Divine Treasure

lest you forget;
he wanted nothing to do
with his own progeny
without your push.
you should never have to beg
for his father
to be one.
there is no excuse
for willful absence.


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