i wonder if you knew,
you know?
if you knew,
long before you told me.
you forced me to endure
weeks of silence.
could you not have spared
five minutes
to tell me the truth?
did i truly mean so little
to you?
it is the most telling piece of evidence
that i was never really your friend;
i could never have done
the same to you.
and it takes every part of me
to keep myself from hating you
but my heart roars
for justice.
i wonder if he knows.
about me.
about the things you said
against him.
probably not
because then the false sense of change
he is presenting you would come crumbling down.
instead,
i’ll let you carry that weight.
and over time,
it’ll sink and fester
and scream to be let out.
and then,
once you can no longer bear that lie
you, too,
will feel the pain you so carelessly dealt
to me.
~lt
Trustworthy Skill
who among you claims
to know better than God?
that you would put your will,
your pride,
before His?
oftentimes
we think we know better
and we attempt to heal,
to cure,
to prepare,
and nourish
better than the Lord himself.
you become the very thing
that keeps the people you love sick.
Allow God to do His work
by getting out of His way.
~lt
Unbreakable Determination
a cage
no matter how spacious
or adorned with attractions
is still just that;
a cage.
do not be fooled;
being allowed to spread your wings
is not the same
as being allowed to fly.
~lt
Day of Fate
i don’t know that i can write anymore.
it hurts too much.
your soak through my words
and memories.
i am sorry
but i cannot forget you
as easily as you
have forgotten me.
i wonder
if i was ever your friend
if i was this easy
to let go.
~lt
In Search of a Sunflower
you were the only person i’ve ever met
that truly made me feel alive.
i wasn’t dreaming anymore.
it was as if every prayer i ever made
was answered.
we all have to carry that weight,
you know?
and i think i’m going to be carrying the weight
of you and the brief moments of time i had with you
for a long,
long time.
there is no sleep for me
anymore.
just sleepwalking;
somewhere,
in the hopes that maybe,
i am led back into your loving arms.
and maybe then,
i can stay.
~lt
Final Call
as i write this, i am sitting out on my porch
lights strung up high, stars sparkling bright
and bundled in blanket and coat.
a cup of hot chocolate
sits steaming on the garden table next to me
as a cold eastern wind rustles my hair
and the leaves
in the oaks.
you came to me like a thief in the night
but how could you steal
what i so willingly gave away?
staring up at the night sky
and seeing the moon in gibbous
saddens me. i wonder
if you will still think of me.
my writing is drenched
with the honey in your eyes
and the sweet sunflowers
of your hair.
i dream of you, you know that?
every night since you left,
in some way or another,
i find you there. and it breaks my heart
to hold you tight in my dreams
and to wake to a cold, lonely bed.
there is no escaping pain,
of this i’ve learned a great deal.
you were one weight i never wanted to carry
and now, well,
now i sit here, in my rocking chair,
praying for the impossible;
a miracle, even.
as the moon moves past the trees
and into the horizon
i allow silent tears
to fall onto this page.
i cannot think of a story more tragic
than one where the chapter we so desperately wanted to write
together
must exist as unopened pages
in the silent libraries
of our hearts.
~lt
Lambent
i miss the way
you used to talk to me.
nothing elaborate.
you would merely say my name
and in that instant
i was hanging on every single word.
~lt
The Park
if i could tell you one thing
through call
or text
or any way that you would find
it would be that i miss you.
terribly.
deeply.
awfully.
soulfully.
bitterly.
i miss you.
i miss you
~lt
And You Always Will
i wonder if you still go to that park.
the one with the eucalyptus trees
lining that stretch of road.
i wonder if you still remember
that windy day
where you told me
how afraid you were
that i’d change my mind about you.
that i’d realize you were too much;
too crazy or too wild,
or maybe just too much woman
for me.
i wanted desperately to stop you there
and pull you into my arms
and whisper the things
i know
our hearts both knew.
but i put my arm around you
and drew you closer.
you probably didn’t feel it
but i gently kissed the top of your wild, wonderful hair
and told you that you would never be without me,
not a million years.
don’t cry, darling.
don’t remember
and weep.
if there is one thing i can tell you
about being second
is that you always have
what is left behind.
i wonder if you still go to that park.
the one with the eucalyptus trees
lining that stretch of road.
~lt
Lady
i dream in expressions of you;
of sunflowers and willows,
of hummingbirds and butterflies,
of all the things that make my wild soul
feel at home.
~lt
