i miss the way
you used to talk to me.
nothing elaborate.
you would merely say my name
and in that instant
i was hanging on every single word.

~lt

if i could tell you one thing
through call
or text
or any way that you would find
it would be that i miss you.
terribly.
deeply.
awfully.
soulfully.
bitterly.
i miss you.

i miss you

~lt

i wonder if you still go to that park.
the one with the eucalyptus trees
lining that stretch of road.

i wonder if you still remember
that windy day
where you told me
how afraid you were
that i’d change my mind about you.
that i’d realize you were too much;
too crazy or too wild,
or maybe just too much woman
for me.

i wanted desperately to stop you there
and pull you into my arms
and whisper the things
i know
our hearts both knew.
but i put my arm around you
and drew you closer.
you probably didn’t feel it
but i gently kissed the top of your wild, wonderful hair
and told you that you would never be without me,
not a million years.

don’t cry, darling.
don’t remember
and weep.
if there is one thing i can tell you
about being second
is that you always have
what is left behind.

i wonder if you still go to that park.
the one with the eucalyptus trees
lining that stretch of road.

~lt

i dream in expressions of you;
of sunflowers and willows,
of hummingbirds and butterflies,
of all the things that make my wild soul
feel at home.

~lt

if i had known
that i would never get
to see you
or hear you again,
i would have done more,
you know?
supported you more,
encouraged you more,
watered you more.
maybe there was something
i could have done
to ease your fears better,
to make your heart beat better,
to dance a little harder,
to laugh a little harder,
to hold me a little tighter,
to get you to finally spread
your wonderful wings
and fly.

i wonder.

~lt

you were never too much.
i need you to know that.
you were never too bitchy
or too crazy
or too wild
or too Mexican,
whatever that means.
you should never have to dampen your flame
for one that cannot handle the heat.
no,
you were fire
to a man that had spent most of his life
cold
and alone.

you were just right.

~lt

i wonder,
when you look out at the stars
if you think of me.

of the times i made you laugh,
of the times you got me to smile.

i hope your decision
wasn’t made
in the name of safety.
i know you were afraid.
afraid of being alone again,
afraid of the bills,
just, afraid.

and maybe love
in the name of safety,
is something you’re used to.
‘who could love someone like me’,
you’d always say.

maybe you even forced yourself
to settle.

i know i couldn’t ever tell you,
but
I would.

i do.

there is no safety in love
because it requires you to be vulnerable.
it requires that the walls you spent building
to keep your father out come crashing down
so that someone can let the light shine
through all of your cracks.

i wish i could have told you
that you wouldn’t have had to any of that alone.
that everything you feared
on the other side
would pale in comparison
to the love i would show you,
the love i would spend the rest of my days
choosing
to give to you
and to him.

i wonder
when you look out at the stars
if you think of me.

i do.

~lt

more than anything else
i lost in you;
the plans,
the walks,
the talks,
the future;
i lost my friend.
a friend
that truly understood me,
that truly wanted the best for me.
and i do not know
how to cope
with that pain.

~lt

i know you won’t
but
if you called me
in the dead of night
i’d be there in a heartbeat,
no matter what.

no matter what.

~lt

i still remember
the first
and only
time i saw you dance.
you were so full of life.
there was nothing holding you down.
it was as is if
i was watching a sunflower
waltz in the wind.

i wonder if you still dance
that way.

~lt