Carpe Astra

i wonder,
when you look out at the stars
if you think of me.

of the times i made you laugh,
of the times you got me to smile.

i hope your decision
wasn’t made
in the name of safety.
i know you were afraid.
afraid of being alone again,
afraid of the bills,
just, afraid.

and maybe love
in the name of safety,
is something you’re used to.
‘who could love someone like me’,
you’d always say.

maybe you even forced yourself
to settle.

i know i couldn’t ever tell you,
I would.

i do.

there is no safety in love
because it requires you to be vulnerable.
it requires that the walls you spent building
to keep your father out come crashing down
so that someone can let the light shine
through all of your cracks.

i wish i could have told you
that you wouldn’t have had to any of that alone.
that everything you feared
on the other side
would pale in comparison
to the love i would show you,
the love i would spend the rest of my days
to give to you
and to him.

i wonder
when you look out at the stars
if you think of me.

i do.


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