Trine

Let me tell you something about me. There are three things in my life that I hold to the highest degree of importance and sacredness; myself, my family, and whoever it is that I love.

If anyone disrespects any of these three, even once, that’s it. They’re done. Because the simple truth is that if they were comfortable doing it once, they are more than capable of doing it again. And you know what? I have lost a lot of friends because of it. Coworkers, people I counted on, people I trusted. People I loved.

The thing is, life is too short to forgive. Because there will always be someone who will come into your life and prove to you that they are worth the investment of your time, your respect, your trust, your love.

People say that mindset is too prideful. That I should just “be the better man” and forgive. But if you were given all that I had to offer, and you shirked it, then you deserve a life without it. If my pride keeps me from being back-stabbed and betrayed, from being lied to, from being heartbroken?

Then so be it.


~LT

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18 thoughts on “Trine

  1. Just some thoughts …

    I think you need to realize that there is a difference between forgiving and trusting.

    Forgiveness is important for your own mental health and strength of character — it’s for YOUR benefit, not theirs — but trust is something easily lost and difficult to restore. In fact, to restore trust too quickly is unwise and gullible.

    I may need to forgive them, but that doesn’t mean I have to trust them. And just because I forgive them doesn’t mean we will still be friends. Also, just because I forgive them doesn’t mean I will spend time with them anymore.

    If you never forgive, you will soon be full of bitterness and completely alone. Because nobody is perfect. Sooner or later, everyone will hurt you and let you down in one way another.

    So, I recommend that you reassess your attitude about forgiveness with a more balanced approach, and to keep in mind the importance of wisdom in everything.

    For what it’s worth… 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. This was quite the comment! I am afraid I did not do as well a job in this piece, hence the confusion. I have no misgivings about forgiveness or trust; they are two fundamentally different things. The point I was attempting to express was that I will not allow someone who disrespects me or the ones I care about to remain in my life, and that it is my pride, rather than my ability to forgive, that allows me to excise them from my life. They have already been ‘forgiven’ in the sense that they no longer have the ability to cause me harm. I hope that better explains this post 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I am glad to see this post. I am struggling with these same thoughts. I made a decision for myself and I know that the person it impacted the most doesn’t understand why. I feel guilty or shame I guess because I was thinking of myself and not him or us. I have always put my family and those I love before myself. This year I changed the order because of pride. I was feeling disrespected and second best. Those two don’t sit well for me. I am working on forgiving myself right now. Pride and standards to live by are not bad things. And if anyone is judging me for setting to high of a standard in my relationship or for giving up because they think my standards are ridiculous than so be it. I am who I am. I can’t change my beliefs. I can’t change the standards I set for myself so many years ago.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Your post that you linked to was incredible, but I must confess that I believe my own post was misinterpreted. I do not mean to nay say forgiveness, for it is an incredibly powerful tool. Rather, I was expressing the mentality I currently possess about those who wrong me. I forgive, and that goes without mention. But it is my pride that allows me to excise those who would continuously do me harm. That has nothing to do with forgiveness. Giving someone more chances to hurt you seems foolish, in my opinion.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree with you. I actually think it wise to keep such people at a distance. I try to surround myself with kind loving energy. I think you do the same😊 have a wonderful weekend and keep on writing, my talented friend!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Have you ever read the book or watched the musical, Les Miserables? In the story, a former criminal assaults and robs the priest who took him in. Rather than turn him in to the authorities, the priest forgave Jean Valjean and sent him on his way, along with the silver Valjean had stolen. The forgiveness was so powerful, that Valjean became a changed man. He paid forward the forgiveness and kindness to many, and built a life that was focused on helping other people who were struggling.

    Those who say that forgiveness makes you a better man is correct. It is always more difficult to take the higher road; to forgive those who slight you, to look past those human failures or perceived wrongs against you. But doing so changes you. It lightens the load of bitterness and hatred that so many of us carry around. And what is more, it has the power to change the hearts of the forgiven. Whether or not you choose to trust or involve yourself with the offender is a different story. But to hold offenses against others is just as much a human weakness as those frailties that cause the best of us to offend another person whether intentionally or unintentionally. In this way, the man who chooses not to forgive is no better than he who has offended us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your comment, though I see now that I may have some trouble in getting my own point across. It is not that I do not believe in forgiveness; I very much do. My post was an attempt to explain how it is my pride, rather than “being the better man,” that keeps people from continuously wronging me. I do not believe it has the power to change hearts on its own and I believe even less that holding people accountable for their weaknesses makes one weak. Blind forgiveness does not heal so long as it does nothing to ensure that the individual sees the error of their ways and makes that change. Valjean changed because the author of the story wanted him to, but the truth is people can and most often are too rooted in their ways to want to change.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think that the part that may have caused the greatest misunderstanding is where you wrote that if someone disrespects you or someone you love “even once,” then you cannot forgive them. This was especially troublesome to me. Many of us may perceive words or actions from others to be disrespectful, and hold it against the person forever. And yet, our own interpretations of what is disrespectful may be flawed, due to differences of culture, environment, or context. It is also important to consider that some people may offend us or let us down once, but when you explain to them how their actions affected you, that may be all it takes for them to change their ways, and therefore preserve a relationship that may be lost otherwise. Sometimes, people offend or hurt us without understanding that they have done so, or what the impact may have been. Other times, they may be fully aware of the wrong they have done, but come to regret it afterward, and change their own ways. To forgive without dialogue, yes, may not heal. But to refuse to forgive, or to refuse to be open to dialogue or the possibility of apology and change, that too, may not heal. It may keep you from being wronged more than once by that person, yes. But it does not make you better, nor does it make the offender better, nor does it allow for the possibility of a restored relationship in any sense.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I suppose my line of reasoning is that if the relationship mattered at all, then you wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it in the first place. And true, people do make mistakes. My post was aimed more towards the people in my life that I had gone above and beyond for, only to have them disrespect me and take my actions for granted.

        Liked by 1 person

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