“Cornfield Chase” Interstellar, Hans Zimmer

i will be your ghost.
a specter
of simpler times,
a jinn of the joyful memories
we shared.
i know you will not come back
to these grounds
if you do,
i hope you remember with tender fondness
our talks of a home with a red door,
of walking down the beaches of Mexico,
of seeing the Northern Lights,
of walks in the park,
of dancing in the dark,
of my hands wanting to run
through your hair,
of cooking at midnight,
of holding you close,
of driving to look at Christmas lights,
of studying the Bible together,
of listening to you sing church songs,
of ten minute breaks,
of love-me, love-me nots at the library,
of leftovers and IM’s,
of butterflies and hummingbirds,
of talking for hours on end,
of sunflower kitchen sets,
of raising him,
of teaching him video games
and how to fish and love the trees,
of blue apples,
of healing together,
and of you
and me.

this is my final message
to you.

i love you


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Songs for a Sunflower

Time in a Bottle -Jim Croce

Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground –Willie Nelson

Wild Woman –Bruno Lewis

Tennessee Whiskey –Chris Stapleton

Millionaire -Chris Stapleton

I Don’t Dance –Lee Brice

Broken Halos -Chris Stapleton

Afterglow –Ed Sheeran

Perfect –Ed Sheeran

Perfect Storm -Brad Paisley
I2I -Tevin Campbell

I know you probably don’t come here anymore
I wanted to put some songs here
for you
in case you ever forget
just how deeply,
and truly
you are loved.
Keep seeking light,
little sunflower,
for it is surely seeking you,


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something about that name
fills me with something
i have not felt
in a long, long time.




no man is an island
unto himself
but what of the world
that drives him
to one?


Final Shine

i suppose a part of me
still holds on to the dreams
of my youth;
of soaring through the clouds,
crimson cape streaking through the sky.
and it breaks a bit more of me
as the days slip away
to know that there will never be an age
of superheroes
and that this world deserves one
even less.


Inner Mirror

i miss the younger days
where the sun shone a bit brighter
and the wind blew a bit cooler
and my heart weighed
a bit lighter.


Begrudging Power

i wonder if you knew,
you know?
if you knew,
long before you told me.
you forced me to endure
weeks of silence.
could you not have spared
five minutes
to tell me the truth?
did i truly mean so little
to you?
it is the most telling piece of evidence
that i was never really your friend;
i could never have done
the same to you.
and it takes every part of me
to keep myself from hating you
but my heart roars
for justice.

i wonder if he knows.
about me.
about the things you said
against him.
probably not
because then the false sense of change
he is presenting you would come crumbling down.
i’ll let you carry that weight.
and over time,
it’ll sink and fester
and scream to be let out.
and then,
once you can no longer bear that lie
you, too,
will feel the pain you so carelessly dealt
to me.


Trustworthy Skill

who among you claims
to know better than God?
that you would put your will,
your pride,
before His?
we think we know better
and we attempt to heal,
to cure,
to prepare,
and nourish
better than the Lord himself.
you become the very thing
that keeps the people you love sick.
Allow God to do His work
by getting out of His way.


Unbreakable Determination

a cage
no matter how spacious
or adorned with attractions
is still just that;
a cage.
do not be fooled;
being allowed to spread your wings
is not the same
as being allowed to fly.


Day of Fate

i don’t know that i can write anymore.
it hurts too much.
your soak through my words
and memories.
i am sorry
but i cannot forget you
as easily as you
have forgotten me.
i wonder
if i was ever your friend
if i was this easy
to let go.


In Search of a Sunflower

‘Goodnight Julia’ -The Seatbelts, Cowboy Bebop

you were the only person i’ve ever met
that truly made me feel alive.
i wasn’t dreaming anymore.
it was as if every prayer i ever made
was answered.
we all have to carry that weight,
you know?
and i think i’m going to be carrying the weight
of you and the brief moments of time i had with you
for a long,
long time.
there is no sleep for me
just sleepwalking;
in the hopes that maybe,
i am led back into your loving arms.
and maybe then,
i can stay.


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